My dogs had been getting bit and I knew he was near, but I didn’t know where. One of my boys got bit twice and the other once, a good thing about dogs is that they rarely get too sick, but they feel like crap for a day or two and get all swelled around the bite. Both dogs were bitten around the jowls when they stuck their head down to investigate. The problem is that the dogs are fenced in a fairly manicured yard, but there he appeared, in a flower garden not two feet from our door, surrounded by sidewalks and patio. Nerves jangled, as I searched through big rocks surrounded by flowers and vegetation. I knew he was there because my wife spotted him first. So here I was, ready to do battle with the reptile. I saw him, he saw me, he reared, I ran. But I calmed down and came back with my trusty shovel. End of story, end of the poisonater; happy dogs, relieved hero. This was my third or fourth this year, and darn it, those guys still freak me out. Ah well, beer thirty.

COPPERHEADS AND ATTITUDES



Copperhead in garden changed all my thoughts from weeding,

Attitude adjustment, it’s not that guy I’m needing.

Moved me right on out of range, like a well-oiled machine,

Shock, my finger in a socket, methamphetamine!

Not a rush I enjoy, poison snake way too near

Pure adrenaline junkie, one hundred percent fear.

Eyes searching, muscles flighty, heart all in my throat,

Calmed, grab my shovel, some whacks, that’s all she wrote.

Bad snake had it coming, he’d bitten my dogs thrice,

He poisoned my buddies, so I put him on ice.

Doesn’t change the fact I was plain scared before mad,

Now I’m happy he’s gone, poor nerves feeling glad.

Don’t stand there telling me, you’re not scared of some snake,

Viper, and you with a shovel, hey give me a break.

A moral here somewhere, keep your eyes looking round,

and not be star-gazing and still see on the ground.