Back in the day, I was an entrepreneur, a purveyor if you will, of goods, which are now bought in shops all across this great land, in small amounts, for big dollars. Then dealings were strictly cash and took place in dark bars or back alleys where no one was the wiser. This cash transaction was much the same, involving handing over the merchandise in exchange for five twenty-dollar bills. All went well, the purchaser handed five twenties under a dark table, and the sales agent, me, looked down, counted twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, one hundred, all good, and a sale took place; money in pocket, back to drinking. The next day, however, twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, one; what! I counted again, twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, one hundred, all there, but to be sure, I counted a last time; eighty-one! This time I laid out all five bills to carefully examine. The guy had taken a one-dollar bill and glued four twenty-dollar corners over each number! This was really bad form, plus I got teased; for two weeks. He was a trucker, so I had to wait till he came in off the road. We met in a truck-stop parking lot, my idea, not his. I commenced to getting irate; he commenced to being stupid. After I asked if twenty-one dollars was worth it, he became more easy-going and gave me my money. But I kept that twenty-one-dollar bill just to remind me, it’s not always about money; sometimes, it’s the principle of the matter.

On the other occasion, a bunch of bikers were partying at my house. I walked around the corner and saw one stuffing a can of soup in his pants. A can of soup, for Christ’s sake, I grabbed him by the neck, dragged him outside, and threw him in the river. It was late at night in October, and he was wearing heavy biker leathers. Well, they got a lot heavier; after his buddies fished him out, I ran them all off. I mean, if a man will steal your soup, he’ll steal your woman! Just another tale from the diary of a river-man; a body has to have a code of honor to live by, right? And they said I wasn’t very understanding; I understood he stole my can of soup.